By Rachael Espinet

Social media has once again been turned into a battleground of debate, this time surrounding recent events involving the Aria Night Club on Ariapita Avenue. If you were not aware, the night club attempted to charge a female patron $120, on a ladies free night, because she was supposedly dressed like a man…whatever that is supposed to mean. While I will categorically state that I am opposed to any version of sexism – one that both includes telling a woman that she is not a female because of her attire and charging men a different price because they are men… and I’m definitely not one to support using the female body as a form of a honey trap and I think the entire ladies free club standard is shit – I do believe that a greater issue is being overlooked.

When a local news station brought up the issue of Shannon Gomes being charged $120 in Aria night club because she was dressed like a man, my mother’s first reaction was to state that she obviously should be charged since she wants to be a boy. Her statement naturally sent my feminist blood rushing to my head and I began to protest about how thoughtless she could be. My mother was quickly taken aback by what I said. Genuinely looking confused, she told me she did not understand.

While my mother is one of the most accepting people I know, she, like most other people in the country, does not fully understand the many intricate dynamics of gender identity and gender performance; which is what I think the real problem of Shannon Gomes and Aria had. Now let me categorically say for the record that I neither approve of what the people of Aria did, nor am I trying to explain or justify their actions. However, we live in a society where people are now trying to get used to the normalisation of others of different sexual orientations and identities (that hasn’t fully happened yet, but in some pockets of this country it has so….yay…progress…), so I can see that the idea that a woman can be a woman and not perform femininity must be mind boggling to many.

I do not know Shannon Gomes, so I will not speak on her behalf. I will however state my analysis based on the facts. Gomes tried to enter Aria under the ladies free provision. Gomes was denied the ‘no-cover charge’ allowance because she was dressed in clothing that people deemed to be masculine. (See what I did there? I didn’t say male clothes…because …what the hell is that? Are clothes gendered? Historically speaking, at one point in time women wearing pants were frowned upon because men wore it. Of course at varying times in history men also wore skirts. The most obvious examples of where this is still carried on in today’s world would be the toga and the kilt. The whole idea that clothing is gendered is as absurd as a table being gendered…which it is in French and Spanish…. Anyways…I’m rambling). Gomes was wearing attire that in any other realm would be deemed appropriate for clubs…if she were a man.  The problem is that the lady, and I do mean lady, at the door said she was dressed like a man and had to pay the cover charge reserved for men.
Problem #1:
This issue brought up the idea that dressing like a man automatically means that you are trying to be one. Now, I don’t blame this woman for being confused. I can blame her for many other things, but not that. With people like Caitlyn Jenner, Lavern Cox and Chaz Bono, I think we can all agree that people in Trinidad are more familiar with Trans-people, but I don’t think they really know or understand what that means.

I’m sure that 20-years-ago women dressed like Gomes would have been read as tomboys or lesbians (IKR 😮 ), but now we have been exposed to trans-people so we think that an androgynous person or someone who dresses in clothing other than their assigned gender at birth are trans.

I’m sorry, I can’t say ‘A for effort,’ but this is where a very complex to understand issue becomes problematic on both sides. People now assume that if someone dresses in the opposite gender’s clothing, then they want to change their gender. I have never asked Gomes what her preferred sex or pronouns are so I won’t assume either way, but for sake of argument I’ll refer to her as she because her being a female is what her argument is about.

Problem #2:
We are not comfortable about talking about sex – both sexual intercourse and the biological determination of a person. (I’ll talk about the intercourse issue another time.) Now my personal rule of thumb is if I cannot recognise a person’s gender identity then I’ll not worry about it because their gender identity is not my business. However, this situation was based around someone’s gender identity, so what is a confused hostess to do when she sees someone whose perceived gender identity is different from everything she was taught to understand since she was a baby?

Honestly, I may not fault her for being unsure of what to do, but I will fault her for being rude to Gomes and making her feel uncomfortable. Many people are not confident or brave enough to ask a person’s gender identity. I went on a training course on human rights on LGBT issues, and at many of the meetings we introduced ourselves by name, country and preferred gender pronouns. Now I am not telling anyone to go out to everyone whose gender may seem to differ from the binary of male and female, and mind other people’s business. What I am saying is that if you need to know someone’s sex, ask.
Ask politely.
Ask discreetly.
And ask in a respectful manner as if you are trying to get to a place of understanding instead of one of judgement.

Problem #3:
People are yet to understand that aside for there being male and female, and trans man and trans woman, there are people who are gender queer, gender fluid, gender nonconforming and androgynous. (I know, I know…what the fuck are those things? I’m sure some of you are still trying to grasp the concept of trans-anything.) But my point is there are more versions of the gender spectrum than we can comprehend. More and more people are finding ways to break out of their boundaries of gender norms and be more of themselves, and that’s okay.

It is hard for some people to understand this, and that’s OK too. Now, we just need to get to a point where we can acknowledge that we don’t understand and help each other to learn.

Calling people sexist will get us nowhere if we fail to show people that there is more to identity than the binary. Saying that club systems have always been sexist and we are over reacting is also going to get us nowhere. 

While many think this issue is petty and unimportant in the greater scope of tackling gender equality in the country, I think this entire issue is more of a catalyst that has opened up the door for deeper and more intricate discussion on gender, gender identity and gender performativity.

I hope we are able to have meaningful conversations on this matter. I will outright state that the ‘ladies-free’ system is extraordinary sexist to both sexes. Men are discriminated on because they are being used as walking wads of cash that are being lured with the promise of sexy women within the confines of a building and the illusion that they all potentially stand a chance. Meanwhile women are being objectified as nothing more than candy. Funny how both men and women are turned into objects. Besides, we all know that the dress code is to keep a certain status quo in the club…but that’s going into another issue as well. The point is discrimination comes from all around.

Now we need to carry this conversation forward and make a change….or we could all forget about this in nine days because that’s what we Trinis do….

Rae